Okay to lie
by mkh2
Summary: Roger reflects on a small conversation between Dorothy and himself.


Okay to lie

~

a "Big O" Christmas special

by

mkh2

~

Disclaimer: I don't own and have never owned "Big O." As creator of it I wouldn't have been able to do the story line justice. Sadly, I can't even recall the name of the creator of "Big O." At least we all know it isn't me.

This is my Christmas special – mainly because I wrote it at 2 a.m. on Christmas morning. Contains very mild spoilers.

~

            _"I told a lie to Norman." _

            _"Sometimes it's okay to lie." _

            _"Not for me it isn't." _

~

            She had looked so serious, even more serious than usual. I half-feared that she was going to tell me some grave news but I couldn't help but let a ghost of a smile flicker on my face… I was so happy to see her.

            Not that I'd ever tell that to her. She'd call me a louse. Again.

            "I told a lie to Norman."

            Relieved that it wasn't anything truly serious, I let my smile become obvious and replied, "Sometimes it's okay to tell lies."

            She paused a moment to consider my words before gravely returning a moment later: "Not for me it isn't."

            In that moment it came to mind how, if she was a human, it could be said of her that, despite being so deeply rooted in worldly matters, she still retained a childlike innocence. If I was a man who was ruled by my emotions, I wouldn't be sure whether I wanted to laugh or cry. As it was, I just gave her that little half-smile to show I understand. *

            If she was a human, I'm sure that smile would've driven her crazy. As it stands, I'm sure I only mildly "annoyed" her.

~

            If I could give her eyes that see, that can _look_ into the human condition, I would. If I could give her a heart that feels, I would.

            Then again, maybe she already has them.

            I've seen her love the cat. I've seen her play with the child. I've seen her dedication and determination to play the piano with all the heart and soul a true master – a true human – can muster. I've seen her concern for Norman and her dislike for Angel, perhaps a basic form of jealousy. I've listened to her wry jokes at the most absurd times, like when she went to save me from my kidnapper, Beck. I've seen her call for her father and chow a sense of fear. I've seen her give up, to… resign herself to her "fate."

            She sustains all the most basic failings, all the most sincere shortcomings, that all humans have, the very same that I've tried to shrug off. So, in some ways, she is more human than I am. I've tried to exert extreme control over my emotions, though I have been unable to stop my affections for her and Norman and Angel and even Datsun from growing and changing. She never tried to do so as, supposedly, she had been unable to.

            Yet she loved the cat and even went so far as to beg, in her own way – more like an order, really – me to negotiate for her to keep custody of it.

            I've seen her sympathize with the couple with the blind lady and the street musician… for the couple who lost their lives in chasing their beloved cat who was to them their child… with the girl who could never see the light of day, lest she die… the couple who was a human and a human-like android like herself…

            Even if she is an android, you couldn't rightly call her inhuman.

            And that's why I'm confused.

            Because, you see, if she was a normal android or robot, or if she was a normal human, I wouldn't have been so fascinated by her and become so attached.

            She is… R. Dorothy Wainwright…

            …and I still can't answer that question she had asked me.

            _If things were different, and I was a human, would you and I have fallen in love?_

            And that's why I told her sometimes it's okay to lie.

~Owari~

*The following sentence was removed. "Except I don't."

Draw your own conclusions as to what that last line meant…

Did I spell "Datsun" right?

~_Mikki_


End file.
